Using this to ask for prayers

There are some things going on in our lives that I've tried really hard to keep private.  But sometimes, you gotta get these things out, and call in the big guns.  That's right, I'm talking about calling in some prayers.  And that's exactly what I'm doing with this.  And before you all get worried about Jilly, she's just fine.  These prayers are for Marshall, and for my sanity.

I'm going to try to make a very, very long story short.  Marshall joined the Air Force shortly after we got married.  He's been in for 2.5 years now, and he loves it.  He wants to make this his career.  He excels at his job, has been given duties way above and beyond his pay grade, and has been recognized countless times for his excellent service.  He just got promoted to Senior Airman, woo hoo, which is a time in service promotion but still exciting nonetheless.  He loves what he does, and he's proud of himself for what he does, and as his wife seeing him so proud and happy makes my heart swell with joy for him.

In September of 2009, so about 9 months after we moved here to Germany, my husband had something strange happen.  He was working, going about his day as usual, when he broke out in this weird and painful rash.  The first time it happened, no one really though anything of it.  The second time, a few days later, we all started to wonder what was going on.  One day, after he broke out, work sent him to the ER, where they referred him to an allergist.  Skipping forward a bit, Marshall is diagnosed with chronic urticaria.  This means, he randomly breaks out in painful hives from time to time, a couple times a week on average.  The break outs last about five minutes, then he's fine.  His particular kind is cholinergic urticaria, which means it's induced by heat, extreme physical exertion, and stress.  What's funny is, you never know what's going to set this off.  I've seen him pick me up and carry me around no problem, but pick up a five gallon bucket and suddenly need to go outside because he's breaking out.  Totally weird.

He's been on a profile at work for a little over a year.  This means, they've restricted what he can do while this is happening.  Mainly, he can't deploy because of concerns about the desert heat and his condition.  I'll admit, I never thought anything of it.  This has just become a part of our lives, it's the norm now.  I never once thought that these random breakouts a few times a month would affect our future.  Especially since all the doctors we've talked to are extremely confident that this will go away, and is not a permanent condition.

In October, Marshall was notified that he was being medical boarded.  Since he can't deploy, they might not want him in the Air Force anymore.  A few weeks ago, the Informal board came back with a decision.  Discharge from service with 10% severance.  Basically, they'd give us a 90 day separation period, move us back to Ohio, give us a couple thousand dollars if we're lucky, and wish us well.  The end.  No benefits.  No backup plan.  Just gone.  Obviously, this is not what we want to hear, especially with a brand new baby coming.  We decided Marshall would contest the findings, sending the decision to the next level, the Formal Board.

With the Formal Board, Marshall will have to go to Texas and meet with a group of medical professionals and Air Force people and be able to argue his case: that he wants to make the Air Force a career, his condition does not impact his quality of work, and that he is worth fighting for and wants to keep his job.  It's our last stand before the final blow.  He'll find out right then and there whether or not we'll still have a clear defined future, or if we're suddenly going to be two unemployed adults with a baby and no way to support ourselves or provide for her. 

Now, let's throw some more stress into the mix.  Marshall got the date for his hearing yesterday.  It's February 3.  He'll have to leave probably Jan. 31 or Feb. 1.  This would be perfectly fine if I wasn't due to have our baby on January 29.  The 3rd is only 5 days past my due date.  If Marshall has to leave on the 1st, that's 3 days past my due date.  There is a very, very good possibility that he's not going to be here when she's born.  He's upset because he might miss the birth of his daughter, I'm upset because I don't know how I'm going to do this without him.  And if she does come on time, he'll have to leave before we even get settled at home.  I'm going to be having a baby and have a brand new baby with no husband to help, on a different continent from the rest of my family.  Fortunately for me, I have some awesome friends here who I know are more than willing to help out.  But Marshall is her dad.  He needs to be here to bond with her.  Babies change so quickly.  Those first few weeks are going to be tough.  I always pictured giving birth to Jilly with Marshall right there, enjoying time together the three of us as a family.  Passing her back and forth between us.  Getting to see the look on his face when she first arrives.  And coming home, the three of us, to our apartment for the first time as a family.  Taking turns watching her while we sleep.  I've been daydreaming about seeing him with her just as much as seeing her with me.

It's all pretty shitty.  We're both stressed to the max about this, wondering where we're going to be three months from now and if we'll be able to provide a good life for Jilly.  As a new mom, I've discovered the stress of moments like this when it comes to your child's future is worse than anything I've experienced.  I'll be honest, I try to put up a brave front in front of my husband and friends and family, but there's been numerous times where I've just gone into the shower and cried for my daughter and our future.  It's all so unfair.  I look at the overweight Air Force people, the ones with pre-existing conditions, heart or breathing problems, etc., and wonder why my husband, who is perfectly healthy just randomly has hives sometimes, why does he have to be the one to be on the chopping block.  And to have this all happen at a time in our lives that's supposed to be so full of joy.  My daughter's impending birth is being taken over by a giant storm cloud.  I feel pressure from myself to have her today, right now, or tomorrow, so that I know with certainty that Marshall will be here and they can have some time together bonding before he needs to leave.  It's not like he's going to be gone a really long time or anything.  But if I go by the stereotypical first time mom standard of being like a week overdue, than he will not be here for her birth.  He'll miss the first moments of her life.  He'll never be able to get that time back.  That's a moment that can never be relived, and it breaks my heart for him.

So, after all this craziness, I ask that you all please pray for us.  Pray that my husband will be able to keep his job.  Pray that our future will still be secure, and I won't have to feel guilty about bringing a baby into the world at this tumultuous time in our lives.  Pray that no matter how things work out, we will be able to find a way to take care of our daughter, and provide her with everything she needs.

Lastly, and selfishly on my part, pray that she comes very soon.  Pray that Marshall will be able to see her take her first breath, and that we can have some time blissfully as the three of us before reality takes us back in and we have to worry about our future again.

Thank you all.