Every evening about this time, after Jilly has been in bed for a little while and Marshall goes to sleep, and after I catch my breath from my workout (Curse you Jillian Michaels and your hard yet extremely effective DVDs!), I sit down and, for the first time all day, think about me. What do I want to do with the hour or so that I get completely to myself before I go to bed? Usually, one of two things happens. Most nights, I look around at the messy house, then start straightening up, doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, preparing Jilly's meals for the next day, all before getting myself ready for bed and passing out as soon as my head hits the pillow. Then there's nights like tonight, where I decide that maybe I can be lazy for a night. I skip my workout, look around my messy house, and think "Meh, it can wait." Because I'll be honest, I'm tired. So very tired.
Jilly has quite the routine at this age. We wake at 9 (give or take a half hour), eat, then she plays in the exersaucer while I get some breakfast and try to wake up enough to be fully functioning. Then we play on the floor for about an hour. These days, this means Jilly rolls and scoots around getting into stuff while I see just how not-childproofed my house is. "No, Jilly, Daddy's xbox is not a toy. No, Jilly, we can't try to eat cat hair. No, Jilly, we don't pull things off the coffee table." She's not even fully mobile or pulling herself up on anything yet and she's already sooo busy. Before I know it an hour goes by, and she's ready for her nap at 10:30.
Now, nap times are sacred to a parent. Unfortunately, my sacred time only lasts 45 minutes at most, so I try to cram as much into nap times as possible. The morning nap is my shower and get ready for the day. By the time I'm showered, dressed, and at least partially made up for the day it's usually pretty close to wake up time, so I try to start getting lunch around for us during the last moments of precious sleep. Then we play until 11:45, when she's into the high chair so I can finish our lunches, and lunchtime begins. After lunch comes clean-up, which usually takes a while since Jilly likes to try to feed herself and makes a huge mess. Then at 1:00 is her afternoon nap. She usually naps for an hour (woah!), so I clean up the kitchen from lunch, sweep the floors through the house, switch laundry, make Marshall lunch, and then Jilly wakes up. We play, read, whatever, until 4, when she naps again, then Marshall entertains her so I can make dinner, we eat, play, bath at 8, then book, song, and bed at 8:30.
Marsh goes to bed at 9, then the house is quiet. It's in that moment when I think, "Where did all my time go today?" I never feel like I get much accomplished, and yet I never stop moving. My house always looks like a mess, and yet I feel like I'm always cleaning. How the hell does that happen?
Anyway, this evening I'm doing nothing for a bit. But, it's already 10:30, so bedtime is any minute now. I'll tell you what, writing this out explains to me why I'm always so exhausted! I kind of miss having some time to myself to focus on things I love to do. On the same hand, taking care of Jillian is what I love to do most, so I guess it all balances out! I hope as Jilly gets older and can entertain herself more (and separation anxiety is over!) I can balance my time a little better to work in some time just for me to do what I want!
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