Before I begin, and in my defense, I never actually said those words in regard to parenting. I'm a "to each their own" kind of girl, so I didn't do the stereotypical when pregnant "I would never let my baby to this," or "I would never do that with my child," kind of thing that a lot of women supposedly do. I try really hard to stay open-minded in all things, especially things that I have no experience in, such as raising babies. :) That being said, I'm surprised to find that I did have a few preconceived notions of things I thought I wouldn't do, and am now surprised to find myself doing on a regular basis, and things that I swore I would do religiously that I just don't.
Biggest case in point: bed-sharing. I swore up and down that there was no way I would let my baby sleep in bed with us. It is so dangerous! What if I roll over on her in the middle of the night? Eek! Plus, it only makes it harder for her to get used to sleeping on her own.
She started off in her bassinet. By the end of the first week of her life, I still had not gotten a good night's sleep even though she was sleeping up to 4 hours at a time. I was constantly getting up and peering into the bassinet to make sure she was still sleeping and that she was breathing. We were having problems with breastfeeding on top of it all, and I was super stressed out. I opened up a couple of the books I have on breastfeeding, and they all said the same thing: put the baby in your bed for a day or two of nothing but sleeping and breastfeeding. Spend that time getting to know each other with no distractions. So, I grabbed Jilly and climbed into bed one night with her. She scooched herself right into me and fell straight to sleep, and so did I. I slept better than I ever slept. If I woke up to check on her, she was right there with me, so I barely have to rouse out of sleep to be sure she's okay. Happy mama = happy baby. Yay!
Still, I felt guilty. I caved in on something that was a solid stance in my eyes. Isn't it wrong to have your baby with you in bed? Marshall and I discussed it a few times, and he was never bothered by her being in bed with us. He sleeps on the left, I sleep in the middle, and Jilly sleeps on the right with my arm tucked around her safely and a rolled up blanket behind her. Then, a ran across this article talking about the benefits of co-sleeping. No more mommy guilt, yay!
So here's what I've discovered. Jilly and I went breastfeeding pro a few days after I put her in my bed. Seriously, I call her "Barracuda Baby" when she eats because it's a chomp and gulp that reminds me of an animal attacking it's prey. We both sleep better and longer. Ironically, I usually wake up just before her when it's time to eat. I'll stir, notice her stir, then wake up, then she'll wake up. So by the time she's fully awake to eat at night or in the morning, I've already gotten enough wits about me to know what's going on. (Fortunately for me, my daughter and I wake up the same: slowly and drowsily.) Since sleeping together, there has not been ONE time where she's woken me up by crying or fussing. Even on the rare occasion she wakes up before me, it can't be that long she's awake because I wake and look at her to see her staring at me like "Oh, hi Mommy! It's boob time! Wake up!" But no fussing. It's like we are so in tune together that we can read each others' minds. Freaky! Freak-ay!
My favorite things about bed-sharing that made me decide to keep doing it are as follows (well, actually there's a ton of things I love, but I'm narrowing it down to a few here):
- We sleep skin-to-skin. I'm down to my sports bra style super comfy nursing bra and undies, and she's down to her diaper. More skin-to-skin means happier baby and mommy, at least for us. I luuuurv (that's love in strang language) feeling her baby soft skin against me as we snuggle off to dreamland.
- The first thing I see every morning is my baby. The first thing she sees when she wakes up is her mommy. The first thing we do upon waking and making eye contact is give each other a huge smile. There is nothing better in the entire universe than seeing your baby look at you and smile every single morning without fail. God, I love her!
- Rivalling that baby smile in heart melting ooey-gooey love is what she does when we lay down. I lay her on her back with her head resting slightly on my arm, so her head is about even with the bottom of my chin. She will roll onto her side, scooch herself right into me so we're pressed together, and look up at me until she falls asleep. Or she'll whine a bit until she gets her paci that she loves oh-so-much, then look at me and fall asleep.
- Lastly, for humor, because I think this is hilarious, sometimes I wake up because in her sleep, she has placed her baby mouth around my boob like it's chow time. Over my bra. She's not actually trying to eat, but I think it's hilarious because it's like she just wants to have it there for comfort. "Don't take that boob away, Mom. I'm just gonna put my mouth right here so that I know you're not taking it away."
I've never once even come close to rolling over on her like I was afraid of. Mommy instinct, I think. And it's really nice that we all get to cuddle together like a family. In a couple months, when she sleeps fully through the night, I'll start integrating her into her crib, and I think it'll be harder on me than her!
One more funny Jilly fact about her new skills and habits. She's discovered she has a voice. She'll look at me and coo, goo, and mostly growl and grunt, then smile and start the process over. We'll talk to each other, which she loves. Anyway, lately, her favorite thing to talk to is, you probably didn't guess this, my boobs. She'll eat a bit, pull off, and grunt and coo and smile at them for about 30 seconds to a minute, then chomp back on and eat again. I think it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. Her eyes get all big and she moves her hands and feet excitedly. I imagine she's thanking them for the meal they are providing her. She gets so excited about food!
Okay, that's enough of my random ramblings for today. Bottom line message is my daughter is awesome and I adore her! ♥
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